The Mismatched Submission, or "Watch what you're doing there, bub!"

So you know how it goes.  You've written a little story and you want to show the world.  The only way to go about this that you've found is to submit it to publications in the hopes that they will think it's as brilliant as you do and beg you for the opportunity to use your words, preferably while dumping buckets of cash over your head in some sort of scenario that most definitely has rap music playing in the background.

But really you'll settle for the praise of friends and family and your name appearing on screen or print.  It would even be okay if Enya was playing in the background, so long as they said yes.

You have two options as I see it.

1. Carefully choose each publication, fully researching their past publications to assure yourself that your story belongs there.  Thoroughly read all of their guidelines, tweak your cover letter to match their tone and feel, all that good stuff.
2. Shotgun submit that bad boy to as many publications as possible.  Something's bound to stick!

I usually land somewhere between the two (I know, I said two options...sue me, it's a free blog).  Especially when the story may be...questionable in nature.

The issue with one particular story of mine was language and mild blasphemy, not anything overly sexual or grotesque.  The story in question, a lovely little tale of an angel and devil on opposing shoulders having a frank discussion about their jobs and deciding to try a swap (and called Cross Training, because I love double meanings), has a good big of language on the part of the devil.  Nothing excessive if you ask me, but enough that several members of my family likely won't talk to me for a while after they read it in hopes that their shunning of me will make me a better person.

I just realized this was an awful lot of set up for the point I'm trying to reach.

So I'm doing one of these shotgun submission volleys (paying attention to the guidelines, because nothing gets you overlooked immediately more than using the wrong font) and I send Cross Training out to I think twenty different publishers.  Sometimes when you're submitting you have the option to receive the publication's newsletter.  Oftentimes I choose that so I can get to know them better, especially if they mostly publish in print so you can't really see samples.

After this volley I got one of the newsletters.  It didn't take much of a perusal to realize that this particular publication, which we will call YogaPants to protect the innocent (and because I really do like them and want to be in them one day - the publication, not the yoga pants), was not really the sort of mag that would react kindly to a story to a story with such brilliant dialogue lines as "Because it's fun, you dumb fuck," and "I'll have him distracted with booze and blow before you can get him into a church.  Hell, I might even look for a hooker to get him with!"

My fear at this point was that the fine people at YogaPants would think I'm a jerk and sent them this story to mock them.  It certainly never would have graced the pages of their magazine, and the whole scenario would have ended up with me likely being blacklisted by them, and like I said, I like the publication.

Through Submittable you can withdraw submissions you make and give a reason or not give one at all.  Unless you're pulling the story because someone else picked it up (which is always a fun note to write) it looks bad on you, so I was reluctant to go that route.  I knew I had another story that would be more suitable, but I couldn't send it to them on top of Cross Training.

So I consulted with anyone who would listen, including some new friends of mine who do the editing gig and receive submissions all the time.  It was an almost unanimous "Withdraw it!" with the exception of one who said, "Leave it and see if they have a sense of humor."

In the end I wrote them an email and explained my mistake.  Luckily they were kind people (I mean, they run a magazine called "YogaPants" for crying out loud, how could they not be?) and they opened my submission up for editing.

This was a first for me.  I went in, quickly pulled Cross Training out of the queue and inserted the new story in its place.  Then I clicked the button to finish and sat back happy with myself.  Until I realized I forgot to change the name of the submission to the new story.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!  Nonononononononono!!!  <sigh>

There was nothing to be done.  I wasn't about to write them back and say, "I messed up again, can you open it back up?  I swear I'll get it right this time!"

So I left it.

And now they've just rejected the story after a month's wait.  I'm not certain whether they're rejecting the first story, the replacement story, or me as the idiot who can't follow simple instructions.  Only time will tell the next time they put the feelers out for submissions.

One day my name may grace the pages of YogaPants.  One day.  But not today.